On giving a fuck…

(Note, it is advisable that if you don’t like the word fuck then you should not read on.)

It appears that there is a current trend of not giving a fuck. Observe:

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and…

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This is an issue for me, because basically giving a fuck is about all I can do.

If I’m there and I’m involved, then I’m giving a fuck.

The issue of course, is that this ensures that I am inherently uncool. A concept which is absolutely not a surprise to me and something which I long ago accepted and even have embraced. Because if you’re cool then you can’t do things like wear yellow trousers just because you felt like making them. It’s just not cool.

However, whilst I am quite happy to generally be the uncoolest uncool person ever, in this instance it would appear that I have an issue…

I yearn to absolutely and genuinely, not give a fuck.

Logically, if you actually don’t care then nothing can touch you yes? That is to say, nothing can hurt you. This is the inner diatribe’s point of view, at least.

I cannot begin to describe the knots my feelings and thoughts tie into when this process is going on. I try and try and try to rationalise away the caring about whatever it is that I am caring about until there is no longer a straight and grounded thought inside me and the diatribe is on a rampage, telling me off in the harshest of ways for caring far too damn much and don’t I know that I will just end up hurt and then I will be the fool?

Whilst this is all going on and I’m drying my hair for tomorrow (very distracted fashion, likely to be bird’s nest in the morning), an epiphany makes an appearance. “What if,” I think to myself, “what if it’s okay to give a fuck?” Cue clonking myself on the head with hairdryer.

Not exactly earth shattering is it? Except it is, because in this one moment the permission to unashamedly give a fuck, a huge big fuck, about what is going on, means that the inner diatribe can have a night off and get some sleep! Hallelujah.

And so, in conclusion, henceforth and forthwith I say fuck it to not giving a fuck, because actually I give a fuck and that’s okay.

Outstandingly profound yes? …

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