The best day off ever

I had a day off! Yes, normally I usually get one a week, BUT this time I got to spend it with people, actual real people, because it coincided with their days off too!

So this is what I do on such a day:

Ride Cwm Carn in the snow


Which was so much fun!! (Please feel free to ignore the ridiculous pink cycle computer. It doesn’t work anyway.)

Then…

Go climbing

 


I’ve just noticed that my shoes match my hoodie – not intended but I’m still a little impressed.

They all seem to laugh gently and think I’m taking the piss when I insist that colour co-ordination improves climbing… but, you know – it does.

Didn’t help me much as I was knackered and ended up downgrading in a big way and swearing a bit on one route, but hey – it was fun.

Also – yes, I have mud on my trousers.

That’s because I was a silly Doris and forgot to pack a change of trousers and hence was climbing in my riding trousers, which were muddy. Very muddy.

So there you have it. Lots of fun had by me.

Emotional needs or Physical needs or both?

Comfort eating … an old friend? Arch enemy? Bane of my life? Yet another lesson in objectivity?

So many mirrors and lessons all symbolised in one little thing.

 

Start from the beginning then yeah?

I came upon my “my shit, their shit” thinking as a response to an emotional challenge in my life and it has proved invaluable to me as a way to detach and see a situation from a distance.

Almost instantly it calms me and lets me notice my needs and wants and how these are becoming tangled in a story or when I am trying to desperately meet someone else’s needs rather than my own.

 

So what happens when you apply the theory to the emotional and physical relationship you have with yourself?

Hah.

What’s that you say?

Ah yes, more of that weird crap is now spouting from my fingers.

 

Comfort eating – it is perhaps the perfect example of when your emotional needs dominate your physical needs.

You eat, not because you are hungry, but because you require comfort and happiness.

The little fug of content that surrounds you as your snack of choice hits your taste buds and fills you with deliciousness is a heady thing and is, quite often, one of the very few comforts we have for ourselves when we are stretched thin or beyond our limits.

 

It is a comfort and a moment of happiness. Bliss.

Until you find yourself in that spiral of “gah, why did I do that? I feel sick now, or too full or I generally don’t like myself much for doing it” or whatever your moment of regret is.

 

Pondering upon this I came to realise that confusing emotional and physical needs is something I do easily and far too often for my liking.

My physical needs are very, very simple. I need to eat good, healthful food in decent quantities, I need to get the right amount of sleep to feel rested and alert the next day and I need to do some exercise on a regular basis.

My emotional needs, on the other hand, are complex and ever changing.

My relationship between the two is very confused.

 

Which is cool and not that surprising.

I am a human bean after all.

My general state of being is “confused.”

It was a revelation to me to realise just how much I use my physical needs to meet my emotional needs, like sleeping too much when I am down to escape facing what is going on, or eating too much when things are getting really challenging because it helps me to just forget how much I am hating things in the moment.

It made me wonder if I could apply the “my shit or their shit?” thinking a little – reworked perhaps to “emotional or physical need?” thinking.

 

Our relationships with our bodies are always going to be complex and intertwined with our emotions – as a whole they make us who we are.

Something I most certainly, am likely to forget in the heat of an emotion.

Mostly I imagine I exist solely on an emotional/ mind level.

I forget that my body is as much a part of who I am as my feelings and thoughts and I really forget that meeting my body’s needs properly and with care is as important as meeting my emotional needs with care and love and attention.

I most especially use physical comforts as an attempt to meet emotional needs and it was here, in this zone that I realised how easy it is to mix the two up.

It made me realise how limited my emotional comforts are and how much I rely on comfort eating or sleeping as an attempt to deal with stuff.

Being able to stop for a moment and ask myself which need needs meeting (oh good god – what a sentence), physical or emotional, has been helping me to detach from panicky feed-me-sugar-now-or-we’re-all-going-to-die urge and realise that perhaps I could deal with this in a way that was less harmful to my physical relationship with myself.

It reminds me that I deserve to treat myself with love and care on a physical as well as an emotional level and it brings a level of conscious thought to this process.

I dig.

It’s Winter of course…

So we all know that recently I have been going through more change than I normally do.

I know the past two years have pretty much been constant change for me but recently – much more so.

In determining a direction I want to go and realising that the only way I will get there is to go there myself, I have been struggling against this change far more than I realised.

Resulting in a January more hellish that I can describe.

There were tears and cursing, almost rash actions, certainly rash fantasies (they’re not nearly as fun as they sound on paper!).

Ugh basically.

Then I realised…

It’s still Winter

But of course.

The time of gestation, going inward and sowing the seeds.

Spring is the time of birthing.

Spring is close, but it is not here yet.

So here I am pushing and pushing to find these solutions to everything.

Seriously – the pressure has been on to find answers to life, the universe and everything.
I know it is 42, but apparently I need to work this out myself rather than let a computer do so.

Such high expectations of myself.

Then I realise – it is time to nourish and be within.

It is time to slow, work with the flow of things and slowly grow the light.

No need to push and push and then question why the results aren’t happening when I think they should be happening.

Time to grow roots and a base from which to draw what I need when it comes to the blooming, shining, birthing time.

Trusting

If I spend this time asking myself what it is I need most and trusting the response, is it not logical that I will give myself what I desire most?

This is something I need to trust.

I worry that I won’t be able to accomplish everything and therefore don’t trust that I will accomplish just that if I give myself what I need.

Learning to pay attention to what you need is harder than it seems and a perfect thing to spend some time learning during a time of year that calls for just that.

Food for thought.

Thinking less, doing more

Confidence crisis…

Or trust crisis.

Or something.

Actually, I’m not so sure it’s even a crisis, so much as a perpetual questioning.

Can I do this?

“This” being a full time job, university, starting a wee sewing business and a bit of a social life and some sleep.

Maybe, maybe find someone to lavish with love and attention along the way?

See?

Feels like a big ask.

And then I make a petticoat.

Or come up with a totally doable project or design (even with my limited pattern cutting skills) or buy an overlocking machine and my heart sings with the possibility.

But get this:

I did make a petticoat.

I have found an overlocker for a steal. Or just a really good price actually.

I do get unbelievably excited over designs in my head and I’m sketching.

I have fabric and I have patterns.

I have a project book where I write everything down.

I have a plan, of sorts – alternate days – sewing, uni, personal and so on.

And a new motto – “Think less, do more.”

Because when I start to think and think and think and think and think and think and think. Okay- you get the picture.

I get frozen in my mind and all action goes out the door, until my brain finds a perfect solution.

But by doing – guess what I am doing it.

I think.

In the mean time – here’s another cute picture of George. You may think this is favouritism as I never have pictures of Stout. But Stout runs away – seriously.

George just poses.

The Petticoat – at last!

The Petticoat

 

 

So there you have it – my first petticoat.

Sewn without pattern and just kinda thrown together, in a day for the next evening.

Experimenting with my new ruffler foot.

I discovered that yes, it makes gathering much much easier but, hell did I need a lot of fabric.

So worth it though – totally makes me more feminine than I can possibly describe.

And it made my dress look AWESOME.

 

Oh, oh yeah – and you can go “floof, floof” with your skirt when you have it on.

Gorgeous.

I say every girl should have one.