Taking my own advice

This post is absolutely inspired by a comment I left at the end of one of Sarah’s posts.

I always find it kinda baffling how I will be trundling along with my stucks and then I read a bunch of posts all talking about the same things or similar things.

Certainly things which have lateral relevance.

Lateral relevance….huh I like that. I don’t actually know if it makes sense but I like it.

A couple’a stucks…

I have a couple of stucks at the moment. One is a new stuck and one is a very old stuck.

#1

The old stuck is about how I want to ride my bike more, to get super duper bike fit again and have fun.

Several things put me off:

  1. Is that I have no one to ride with. I don’t like riding alone, it makes pushing up the hills very boring and lonely when you don’t have anyone to complain about the hills to. It also means that I have no one to help me fix a puncture if I get one.
  2. I was super duper bike fit and then I got dumped by the person I used to have gazillions of fun with on a bike. Somehow this killed my desire to get out there.
  3. I’m really scared of riding with people I don’t know and trust completely. This is only because I am scared stiff they will think I’m a complete ninny and hate me for it.
  4. After being super duper bike fit and getting dumped I got really, really sick. I’m scared that if I get back on my bike in a big way again I’ll get sick again.
  5. But mostly, it’s that I don’t have anyone to ride with.

#2

The new stuck is about starting to make things to sell.

  1. I’m scared that I won’t be able to do it.
  2. I’m scared that I’ll start and then fizzle out
  3. I’m scared that I’ll have to invest a lot of money that I don’t have to get it going and then it won’t get going.
  4. Mostly I’m scared that I’ll be rubbish and no one will want to buy my stuff.

The Need

Overriding both these things though is the need, not to talk to my stuck and see where they’re coming from because I know that bit already, but for reassurance and belief in myself.

The thing is, as soon as I really, really want something I find it near impossible to believe in myself.

So I avoid, delay and procrastinate till the cows come home.

I put a lot of effort into that avoidance, but I hate that I know that I’m avoiding and I hate that I feel so out of control of the avoidance.

I’d just like to put it to one side and do it already.

What I really need is someone to hold my hand.

Or several persons to hold my hand.

To say to me that yes I really can do this, in a gentle, compassionate kind of way rather than a cheerleading kind of way.

A Champion perhaps?

I’d like for someone to make it publically known that they champion me. Publically means to me by the way, not some big announcement on the internet or local news or anything so drastic.

I’d just like them to let me know and let me know more than once.

Not that it’s a good idea or that they can’t wait until I do my thing already, but that they believe that I can do it and that I will.

Or a Mascot even?

Or perhaps I need a mascot, who comes with me and champions me symbolically.

Who whispers in my ear, “Dude, you are like the most awesome person ever, you can totally do this. I promise, cos I know.”

Who can fit in my bag, or on my desk, or by my sewing machine, silently reminding me that I can do this?

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6 Responses

  1. I’m cheering for you and totally believe that you can and will do your Thing.

  2. Oh, I DO think you’re awesome. I totally adore you. And I think you can do anything you want, plus you’re fabulous, and amazing. And, I don’t know if you’re quite here still, but if you need to, you take all the time you need to avoid and procrastinate. Youi’re still wonderful. It just sounds like you need a little time and space. Take it. And take care of you. You so deserve it. Be as gentle with you as you can. You deserve that, too.

  3. Apparently Diane and I are both catching up on our blog reading 🙂

    I second what she said. You freaking rock. And I think you can do anything. And I would totally buy whatever you make just because you made it.

    So all i gotta say is – WOO! Go you!
    xox

  4. @Inge – so cool! I’m imagining the cheering and feeling muchly cheered! Thank you.

  5. @Sarah – wheeee! The encouragement is totally serendipitious. Thank you sooo much.

  6. @Diane – no you’re awesome! 🙂 and right – I totally needed time to procrastinate and avoid and adjust to other stuff. The kindness and the gentleness in your words is so appreciated – thank you.

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