Unexpected Progress

Once upon a time…

Before I went away to India I was feeling almost desperate to find some focus somehow.

God, any old how would have been good.

So I asked an ask in the style of Havi’s very personal ads and then felt very frustrated because they just didn’t seem to be working.

Then I realised I was asking for things in all the wrong ways and so decided to get to the bones of my ask.

And promptly forgot about it.

Because when I am stressed out I have the attention span of a gold fish. Or the attention span that we all pretend a gold fish has, to add emphasis and oomph to our statements.

It’s a short attention span ok!

Where my attention went… it went on holiday!

My attention (for a short while) as all taken up by getting a diagnosis of Coeliac’s disease confirmed the day before I flew out to India.

Being told rather unceremoniously, over the telephone whilst in the cafe at University, knowing there was no way I’d be able to speak to anyone about it until my return from India was weird along with some other stuff.

Then of course, there was all of India to enjoy.

I was fully expecting to find my time in India spent deep in reflection, soul searching for my way forward in life and generally being miserable about having to come home and face facts.

But I didn’t, much to my great surprise.

Instead I frolicked about with my friends having an amazing holiday which somehow wasn’t marred by events which normally would have deeply unsettled me. (The Great Indian Swindle)

I felt more sure of myself than I have in a long time, and when it came to facing coming back home I discovered that I really didn’t mind it at all.

Surprised much? Me? Okay yes.

Being ninja’d by my very own brain. (WTF?! I asked. WTF indeed!)

I came back and thought that now I would need to be getting stressed and unhappy about things and desperately try to forge a path forward where no path seemed to want to go.

But that didn’t happen.

I kept calm and carried on.

Bemused but calm.

Slowly I was seeing inklings of something.

Somehow, in spite of a gloomy outlook things were going okay.

Just like a torch illuminates the path in front of you just, but leaves everything else deeply, inky black and full of noises that make you jump.

Just then a Googly monster jumped out the bush at me!…

All of a sudden a bunch of stuff just fell into place and BOOM! I knew what my thing was (the thing!) or rather my things (my things!) and I had focus and direction.

I knew that no matter what, I had to keep on my course that I was doubting so much. It doesn’t matter much how I get there, just that I do.

I’ve never felt so grounded in myself.

In finding my focus, I’ve found validation for myself within myself. Even though I gagged several times already typing that sentence. Gah.

Really.

Miss Havi, I have a bone to pick with you. Or perhaps some corn on the cob, since you don’t eat things with bones.

That’s one thing Ms Havi and her excessively cool duck haven’t told me about finding my thing (the thing!).

They appear to have kept it a secret that suddenly when you find your thing you do (you know the thing!) you suddenly know why you’re around and what you are going to do about it.

Bingo! Your being now has reason.

There’s a purpose to your Why? What? When?

Your soul wakes up and goes AH HA!

I mean, if I’d known that I probably would have looked a bit harder for what my thing was. Up until this point I just figured I was a bit of a misery with no thing of her own.

I suspect they have told me that when you find it, you do it because you have to, it’s your thing! to do, not so much because it will help other people or you or anything really as noble as that, but quite simply because it’s yours to do and it’s your thing.

Anyway, I’m slightly distracted now by the greatness of finding my things and I will get back to my point (if ever I had one).

Yup, so just in cases you didn’t click on the link above here’s what I asked for:

I would like to know that I am safe.

I would like to know that I am supported.

I would like to know that I have a direction.

Umm, yeah… It’s pretty humbling isn’t it?

(oh yeah, I’m going to keep my thing under wraps for a while though until I’m ready to whip away the velvet cover and shout TA DA! to all the world. But I will shout TA DA! I promise.)

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3 Responses

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Fabeku Fatunmise, SecretWormy. SecretWormy said: On finding my thing (the thing!) and being ninja's by my brain. And wanting to pick a corn on the cob with @Havi: http://tinyurl.com/yezejp7 […]

  2. Yay and applause for finding your The Thing!

    I was likewise happily surprised when I very recently found my Thing. Like, no one ever told me that it would answer So Many Questions! And make my path all shiny-golden! And that it would just make me that much more myself. And that it would feel like the most obvious and natural thing EVER.

    Wait – actually, they did tell me that it would be the most obvious thing, when I figured it out. But somehow this did not help me figure it out any faster.

    But, yay! Thing found! What a freaking relief and joy.

  3. @Amna – ah too true! Perhaps they have talked about it and I just thought they were blethering because it couldn’t possibly be this easy to know your way could it? could it?

    Ah right. 🙂

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