Welcoming myself back.

Just a random thought

This morning I was reading a post by the unstoppable, genius Joely Black where she talks about creating this amazing world called Amnar. I was reminded then – we’re so afraid to fill our boots, of our potential, of the enormity that we can accomplish, just by being us. When we’re true to ourselves and follow that we can accomplish such greatness.

Thing is right – being us – frigging hard work sometimes. So much worrying about what others might think. We’re worried if we let our light shine out brightly that we might blind people, and you know, since we’re nice people, we wouldn’t want that.

Coming home

I’ve been meaning, since I wrote about giving my fear a Wendy house, to write about what’s been happening to me since.

It awoke an awareness of how much of myself I reject. I am so scared of rejection and yet I spend a huge amount of time rejecting myself. The irony is…. Well, it’s there.

I reject my anxiety, my worry, anything I think might make people not like me, my insecurity – oh basically anything that isn’t sweetness and light. Yes, all of it fear.

So now, whenever I notice one of these things playing out and I notice my rejection of it, I have been practicing saying, “Oh hello and welcome. Here’s your finger paint and there’s the swing set. You’re most welcome here little one.”

She hasn’t had anything of huge importance to say to me, except perhaps, “Accept me please.”

For the last few weeks I’ve been feeling as if bits of me have been coming home.

Is this self acceptance?

Why yes, I think it could be. The start of it at least.

It’s not: “I feel this and I think I’m okay anyway.”

It’s not: “I’m a good, wonderful person and I’ll pay no attention to these feelings because they just get in the way. Positive thinking, positive thinking now.”

It is not forced.

It is loving the whole of you. Recognising that fear makes us deliciously human and it’s okay to accept fear as a friend.

It is listening and having no opinion as to whether or not this feeling is valid.

It is peaceful, gentle and pretty gorgeous.

It’s bloody powerful that’s what it is.

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One Response

  1. I woke up this morning and during meditation I realised that I have, for ages, totally rejected myself. After the healing work done this weekend with Meredith, I’m able to see so clearly that’s what I do.

    And I was planning to write a post about it. It makes me beam that you’re thinking along the same lines.

    I think, yes, it pretty damned gorgeous and I thoroughly love this post!

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