Stuck of the Day

It’s called doubting yourself. That thing you do when you incessantly question what is going on in your life.

I’m doing it now. I have been doing it since Saturday night. Unsure if I’m making the right decisions and feeling very, very worried about it.

Checking in with my heart and finding a big yes.

Checking in with my head and finding a big I dunno, ooooh, eep, yikes.

I know I’m supposed to follow my heart, because apparently this holds the truth. HOWEVER, my head says things like “I know I’m supposed to follow my heart, because apparently this holds the truth” and then I find myself in a quandary.

I guess the core of the matter is that I’m petrified of being hurt again. In spite of the distinct remoteness of this happening, I am still doing an impersonation of something that is trying to avoid going forwards by backpedalling madly whilst still moving forwards. You can just picture it can’t you – oh the joy of being succinct.

So if I don’t want this fear to define me or define how I am going to move forward now, how do I make it less scary? That’s what I want to know.

I can let it be okay to be scared, and okay to not want to move forward because of that stuck fear. However, if I do not want to be defined by this fear it still means I need to move forward…..aaaaannnnnnddddd start the cycle again. STUCK feeling scared and worried and wanting to run back to where I came from and was habiting.

I think sometimes trust can seem to be a risk and therefore trusting yourself can seem unsafe. I’m going to go ahead anyway though and do the trusting thing. I think I might owe it to myself.

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3 Responses

  1. I’ve been going through the exact same thing, but over something else. Heart and soul saying Now! Now! Now! And head saying, well now you know that’s not possible.

    Eventually the fear goes. Once you’ve identified it, if you leave it there, it tends to sneak off by itself.

  2. You know, I’m not sure you can make it be less scary, although I think the jumping in anyway helps a bit with that. But, you know what else? I think that the scary gives us humanity and, if we stay in tune with it, it can give beauty and heart to whatever we’re doing.

    Good luck with moving forward.

  3. I can definitely identify with that. I’m in a place right now where I have a feeling I’m going to get hurt like I was before, and part of me says “that’s stupid. this situation is different”, but the feeling in my stomach disagrees.

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