Mindful Holiday Break or You WHAT? Madwoman…

Holiday experiences so far….

  1. Started off with good intentions: Meditation every morning, much introspection – lovely.
  2. Slow panic sets in… considering Holiday Break was meant to be a Holiday, am finding there’s an awful lot To Do! But… remember to look after self and have a lovely massage.
  3. Bake madly, madly, madly for everyone/ thing *aching back, rush rush*
  4. See many people – am starting to feel ever so slightly desperate about Holiday’s Holiday and need to spend some time by myself.
  5. Christmas eve – aaaaah, exhale. Day to self. Do what I want when I want. Bake some more, this time for me. YUM.
  6. Dad arrives, quiet evening. Lovely, lovely. Managing to feel sane.
  7. Christmas Day – most relaxed one on planet. Get up when I want, go for a little walk to gather some ivy for table. Cook when I want, eat when everything is cooked. Good Day all in all. Oh and drink 2 bottles of wine between Dad and me without considering repercussions! How mean could I be to my little unalcohol-used/trained body?
  8. Boxing day – UUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHH. Dad leaves and I-am-not-meant-to-get-out-of-bed-ever-again. “But Why??” I wail, “It is a Mystery!” More visiting of friends and then retiring to bed at 4pm feeling pathetic. About 8:30pm I recall wine consumption the day before and hang head in shame. Silly numpty.
  9. 27th– Mum arrives. Shopping, shopping, shopping. Movie. Deep and meaningful conversations in vast quantity, is good. Excessively tired when go to bed – Grump monster.
  10. Today – Awake still a little grumpy. Start to rearrange office in the hope that I will, one day, get round to doing my coursework which is imminently due. Go out to look for shelves. Find some, with butterflies on! Butterflies I tell you! Love them but ummm and ahhh. Don’t buy them. Run out of time to look for others. Have a paddy of note due to frustration and need for space and calming down. WanttimeoutNOW!
  11. Get home, feel exhausted, begin writing post to re-install shred of sanity in self and bore you senseless with list of holiday experiences so far.

Still To Come….

  1. Horse riding on the beach (tomorrow) and buying those shelves I fell in love with – you know, with the butterflies on them.
  2. Quad biking. Oh boy oh boy oh boy!
  3. The return of Martina Martina, my divinely mad housemate and all round fab friend who contributes much to my sanity.
  4. New Year’s with my fabulous Sister and her gorgeous Husband, dressed up as an eighties pop star (but WHO to be?)
  5. A date. No more details given I’m afraid. Scrumptious gossipy stuff is being selfishly kept to self.

Did I mention I desperately wanted a rest? Does the above look like a rest to you? NO! Just to clarify.

I fully intended for this break to be a much needed time for looking after myself, going inward, really nurturing me after a mad year. I planned to meditate every day, even if only for a few minutes, do yoga and stretch out my very tight hamstrings, ride my bike on the local mbt trail and get to know it well if the weather was gorgeous, reorganise my office so that it was a sumptuous place I wanted to be in and just generally have a fab time. As you can see, it hasn’t exactly turned out that way!

The weather has been gorgeous – blue sky, dry and bright – I haven’t ridden my bike once! That’s about my biggest bugbear. J I found myself irritated and frustrated with introspection. Friends were kind to me and wanted to see me and I feel like a shitbag turning down invites that are issued out of genuine kindness. Blah, blah, intense busyness.

Why then have I let this time of quiet become a time of madness? Why aren’t I turning down invitations and refusing to get sucked into “things I have to do”? Why instead, am I choosing melodrama and a continuing sore throat? Well, I realised that actually, I didn’t want the intense retreat. In fact, the year has been that mad and intense that I need to gently slow down and face things in bite size chunks, rather than my normal full immersion in the issue style. What I want and desperately need, is more Me Time; just a little moment of time to myself every day, for me to inhale, exhale and connect with myself again.

So I achieved that little insight. I have also nearly completed the office project and bought squillions of citrusy scented candles to burn in there to keep our brains alive and stimulated whilst working diligently on pieces of academic supremacy. (Snigger, snigger – that’s one way to describe it I suppose) and I shall buy the lovely shelves that will create the space that I shall fall in love with (Have I said they have butterflies on them? So cool). I didn’t get round to a lovely Yule ceremony, but I did have the loveliest Christmas Eve that I can remember, which was as good as. I haven’t meditated every day, but I have had some profound insights anyway and I’ve seen friends and family. So actually, not such a gross failing after all…rather, one more reminder that things so seldom turn out the way you expect them to (and a good thing too – how boring if they did. I for one would always be in trouble!)

What’s more, I maintain that I am probably more relaxed that 90% of the population at present, due to my almost Scrooge-like non consumerist attitude to Christmas. Hah!

I have also just realised that my brain currently resembles a drunk spider trying to go in more than one direction, so if this has made no sense that’s why. I suggest that you go look at George pulling a tongue instead!

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One Response

  1. Wonderful post! And a great Christmas gift to discover that what we think we need isn’t necessarily what we REALLy need. So good to hear that, despite the drunken-spider brain, you had a happy Christmas.

    May the new year bring even more loveliness!

    Hug to you,

    Hiro

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