Life, Love and Inspiration

“Life is an occasion – rise to it”Mr Magorium in Mr Magorium’s Wonder Emporium

Happy Samhain to everyone!

Because it should be said – why not? (Actually, since I’m in Wales, should it be Happy Nos Galan Gaeaf?) Anyway, Samhain is the time of year for remembering and looking back. The apparent thinning of the veils between worlds is supposed to make it possible to commune with the dead – whether this is true or not I don’t know, and in any case, I’m exceptionally fortunate and all my nearest and dearest are still around… kicking. J

Soooo, I thought I’d spend this festival thinking back over the events of the last year, because (in case you haven’t heard), it’s been eventful for me; and I’ve learned A LOT… I thought it would be good to get that learning out of my head and onto paper/ computer screen. Cos it gets it out my head – and then I can think about other things, you know, cos the other stuff is out of my head…

So what have I learned? Weeeelllll mainly:

  1. I don’t like break ups. They suck. Whether you are the dumper or the dumpee (I’ve been both this year – just crammin’ in the experiences), they’re a crappy time that bring up loads of STUFF. They make you feel like the bottom is falling out of your world and you want to curl up in a ball and never, ever uncurl. The vulnerability that you suddenly and shockingly come face to face with is hugely threatening and you have to find massive reserves of inner strength to just be with the sucky, sucky feelings and not try to hide them, fix them or run away from them. However, if you can just be with them, I’ve learned that you do find that inner strength and discover you have bucketfuls of it and that you are amazing just because you’re getting through this with a modicum of dignity. Sitting with the vulnerability has, strangely, helped me be so much more accepting of it. Which is huge for me because…

     

  2. My biggest fears are rejection and failure. My buttons have been pushed big stylee by these fears this year and by being able to accept the vulnerability which these two fears are created by I’ve begun to be able to take the baby steps of being able to reach out when I need help. My thinking has changed and I’m realising that I’m worth other people’s affection and love and that I can ask for it and I should. Because other people are just as vulnerable and sometimes need to know that you need them too. What’s more, in realising a little self worth I’ve been able to realise that…

     

  3. Generally, the shit that other people throw at you has absolutely nothing to do with you. It’s their shit, not your shit; therefore, when you’re busy asking yourself for the thousandth time, “What did I do wrong?” it’s worth remembering that the answer is probably NOTHING. It’s enormous for me, because until now, whenever I’ve been blown off, chucked out, downgraded to shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe etc, I’ve blamed myself. My thinking has always been, “Well they don’t want me, so therefore it’s probably my fault.”

     

    It is logical, but also a pretty hard and exceptionally untrue thing to think. Not so good for feeling good about oneself.

     

    Being able to think, “I know I’m worth something. I know I’m a pretty special person. In fact, the reasons for me believing that about myself are that I’ve acted with kindness, compassion, integrity and honesty in this situation. I’ve been understanding and supportive beyond what is deserved by this situation and therefore there is nothing more that I could have done to influence the outcome and the decision that person made. They made it because of their stuff, not because of me…” has been a monumental shift in the way I think. It’s cool. I could write about it all day. I don’t even think I would mind if it bored you senseless in writing about it all day – cos it’s cool.

     

    Very, very cool.

     

  4. True friends and family are irreplaceable. They’ve stood by me this year. Held my hand, passed me tissues, given me hugs, places to live and encouraging words. They’ve told me I’m wonderful, marvellous and magical until I started to believe it just a little bit and it will be impossible to thank them for it and imbue those thanks with just how grateful I feel. It makes me want to pop with love for them. And now I sound corny and insincere. SEE….?
    J

     

  5. Last but definitely not least – HUGS ARE IMPORTANT. End of. I need say no more – we all need more of them. Quick hugs, bear hugs, long cwtches, cuddles and sob-in-my-shoulder-I’m-not-letting-you-go-and-I-don’t-mind-if-I-get-all-snotty-as-a-result life savers – they’re all amazing and one of the most comforting things available. The world needs more hugs.

     

That about sums it up. J

Oh, and that happy endings aren’t guaranteed even if you do act true to yourself (even if all the books/ other people/ websites etc seem to imply that if you act true to yourself you’ll be rich/happy/in love/ floating on clouds forever and never have a care in the world again) and that acting true to yourself and learning from life is something you do for yourself rather than to get rich/happy/in love/ floating on clouds forever and never have a care in the world again. These things have all made me realise that the person I have to consider most in my life is me; that my approval of myself is of utmost importance and, whilst this may seem to be the most basic logic in the world to some and a statement of the utmost obviousness, other people’s opinions (or my imaginings of other people’s opinions of myself and consequential acceptance/ disapproval of me) are not the important ones.

So I have said before that I wouldn’t wish this last year of upheaval, moving and enormous mounds of emotion on my worst enemy, but the lessons I have learned are pure gold and, I suspect, will prove to be invaluable to me in the future. For this, I can say that I’m truly happy and grateful, and properly listening when it’s suggested:

“Have more faith, not in what other people think you are, but in who you know you are.” – Jonathon Cainer

 

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One Response

  1. […] that I had absolutely not wanted to happen and blaming myself for the most of it (as is our want), I happened upon a revelation. I called this the “Their Shit/ My Shit” […]

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