BLAH!!!

Ok, I’ve decided to just give in… Generally I try really hard to put a positive spin on stuff (although that may not come across), I think very carefully about what I write and why I write it, but at the moment I feel BLAH.

I’ve decided that this year ranks up THERE with the most challenging years you could ever hope to avoid. To be frank, most of the time I’ve felt rubbish and hated myself for doing so (see Learning) and I’ve just been hoping and hoping and hoping that it will all get better – soon please. So I’ve poured my heart out to friends and family and felt guilty about it (due to all the voices in Learning), I’ve written about it, journalled about it, cried an awful lot, slowly healed and then done it all again. And again…

Now I’m exhausted with it all. I’m tired of the crying – yes it does help but not enough; I’m tired of pouring my heart out – you poor people must be fed up; I’m tired of trying to heal – urging the process to “hurry up would you” does not hurry the process up one jot!

I want to go to bed, pull the covers over my head and wake up next year.

HAPPY…

With no stress…

No worrying about what people think…

No wondering what the hell I did wrong and, “shit is this karma? Was I absolutely the most evil person ever in my last life or something, because please, PLEASE, please let there be a reason for all this CRAP going on in my life.”

I’d like a break please… and lots of hugs – I need a lot of those – they really do help.

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